Ladies and gentlemen, I give you *drumroll* Toilet Guy *high hat*:
Colorado police have arrested the man who last week allegedly hid inside the tank of a portable toilet at a yoga festival in Boulder.
Luke Chrisco [NB: I did not make that up], 30, was nabbed yesterday and charged with unlawful sexual contact and criminal invasion of privacy.
According to cops, a woman attending the Hanuman Yoga Festival entered the portable toilet last Friday and “noticed movement in the tank when she lifted the lid.” After exiting the toilet, she sought help from a man who subsequently entered the toilet and “saw the suspect hiding inside the tank.”
Well, that really stinks. I mean, does this really count as sexual contact?
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
– T.S. Eliot
Read the whole thing, naturally, because it’s chockablock with more fascinating detail.
But WAIT! There’s MORE!