The Necropolitan Sentinel

The other 31/32nds?  The Fuckawi Tribe, of course.

Desperately scrambling to validate Democrat Elizabeth Warren’s Native American heritage amid questions about whether she used her minority status to further her career, the Harvard Law professor’s campaign last night finally came up with what they claim is a Cherokee connection — her great-great-great-grandmother.

“She would be 1⁄32nd of Elizabeth Warren’s total ancestry,” noted genealogist Christopher Child said, referring to the candidate’s great-great-great-grandmother, O.C. Sarah Smith, who is listed on an Oklahoma marriage certificate as Cherokee. Smith is an ancestor on Warren’s mother’s side, Child said.

The missing link comes after Warren’s embattled campaign faced sharp questions about her Native American background in the wake of Herald stories that showed both Harvard Law School and Warren herself had touted her tribal lineage and claimed she was a member of a minority for years.

Say, what does it take to be considered an American Indian?

What is blood quantum?

Blood quantum is the amount of Indian blood you possess as determined by the number of generations of Native people you descend from, and it’s the process that the federal government uses to say whether they consider you a Native American or not. Between approximately 1885-1940, census rolls, the 1900 special Indian census, the Dawes Rolls, Durrant Rolls, and land conveyances involving Native people were taken. Based on that information, if any of your ancestors were on those rolls, you may be able to receive a Certificate of Indian Blood (see below). For example, if your great-grandmother was 100% Indian and your great-grandfather was non-Indian, their child (your grandmother or grandfather) would be ½ Indian blood. If your 1/2 Indian grandparent married a non-Indian, your mother or father would be 1/4 Indian blood. If your mother or father married a non-Indian, then you would be 1/8. Of course, the percentages change if there were marriages between Native people and your blood quantum or Indian blood would be more. As you can see from the above explanation, the bottom number gets larger as your blood quantum decreases, therefore it is essential that if you are applying for any services, you figure the blood quantum correctly.

How do I get a Certificate of Indian Blood (CIB)?

A CIB can often be obtained from the Bureau of Indian Affairs (BIA) regional or area office that covers the area where your tribe is located. Send your birth certificate, your Indian parents’ birth certificate and if available, your Indian grandparents’ birth certificate (otherwise their name and approximate birth date), to the Regional or Area BIA office where your tribe or ancestors are from. If your ancestors were on any of the old census rolls, they might be able to provide you with the name of the tribe(s) you are from and the percentage(s) of Indian blood. This doesn’t always work, but it’s the easiest and fastest way to prove your Native ancestry.

That’s strange.  I’m not seeing a “I Need To Claim Indian Ancestry So I Can Get A Harvard Teaching Gig” clause in the how-to manual for obtaining a CIB. But then again what the hell do I know?  I’m not the super genius that laid down the intellectual foundations for the totally not violent–except when it’s really really really necessary!–Occupy Wall Street movement.

Even better:  It turns out that 99% Champion of the Middle Class Lizzy-Dub has a slightly bigger bank account than she’s led us to believe.  Only a teensie-weensie bit bigger though.  Not much, really.

Last Friday, she released four years of tax returns. Over those four years, Warren and her husband, another Harvard Law prof, averaged $300,000 more than Sen. Brown and his spouse, a TV anchor. In 2009, the Warrens made $981,000 vs. the Browns’ $249,000.

Even the Globe had to admit that Warren was “in the top 1 percent of earners” — ironic, considering her bragging that she provided the “intellectual foundations” of Occupy Wall Street.

As recently as January, Warren was still crying poor, saying on MSNBC: “I realize there are some wealthy individuals — I’m not one of them — but some wealthy individuals who have a lot of stock portfolios.”

No, she has mutual-fund portfolios. Her financial disclosures put her worth between $4.6 and $14.5 million.

Well, being middle class is “not about a number,” she told one reporter. “It’s about a place in your heart.”

That place in her heart?  It’s a nice piece of real estate with a mere $5 million dollar price tag.  Better start throwing some more coin in the ol’ 401K if you wanna run in Lizzy’s neck of the woods.

But remember, other than her fake Indian heritage and her fraudulent middle-class lifestyle, she’s the real deal.

UPDATE:  Since Lizzy-Dub is as Indian as a set of lederhosen, why not try to figure out what her not-Indian Indian name would be?

What is {ELIZABETH WARREN’S} Indian Name

Your Result: Woman with Broken Heal

You tend to live in the past and think about what could have been. Doing this will only hold you back from what is waiting ahead for you. Someday you’ll exchange this habit for a new one and will be unstoppable.

UPDATE Numero Dos:  Now that we’re thinking about race, Clifford Thies over at Libertarian Republican has an interesting piece on the One-Drop Rule.  I really can’t excerpt it because there’s a lot there, so I’ll just give you a Spoiler Alert:  Bill Clinton wasn’t our first black president.  Read the whole thing.

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