The election is no big deal aside from how it will indefinitely define the nation's fundamental direction. No worries! It's merely up to a handful of violet state residents who can motivate themselves enough to head to the high school gym and reestablish America as the home of rugged entrepreneurs who lift weights so they may dissuade bullies. Or, they can replace our values with ennui and go home to wait for income redistributed from those they've accepted to define as rich bastards. Eh, flip a coin.
Still, a new path might be worth choosing unless we'd like to spend the 2020s fighting each other to the death for the prize of squirrel meat stockpiles. On one side, letting insurers compete for Medicare business could free up enough capital to afford firearms to point at scoundrels with enough left for earners to purchase things like property and dinner.
Alternately, we could keep accusing people with nice lawns of being greedy and resolve that by un-greedily confiscating more of their feed. If we are truly myopic enough to see life as a zero-sum game, we best start identifying the remaining targets for equality measures now.
The adult who once had a vague dream that he was a conservative is in the top 50th percentile of this particular presidential hopeful grouping. Worry that Mitt Romney isn't as thoroughly right-wing as you'd like after he vanquishes the incumbent who is as thoroughly leftist as you fear.
Elections almost always comes down to choosing the less rotten option, and the polite adult who knows how a business works and only inflicted an insurance mandate on one hapless state is exponentially preferable to a man who's halfway to making America as small as he is. Cheer for the New England Patriots to lose, then worry how to cope with a team you hate less hoisting the Lombardi Trophy.
A president who's been jobless for most of his life fancies himself an architect George Costanza-style, and perhaps he's embarrassed that his still-cloaked college records expose an obvious inability to design anything. His habit of intervening in Americans' lives at home is only matched by leaving them exposed to terrorists everywhere. The president should leave alone everyone except those who lethally bother us; having to note this will stand as Obama's chief legacy.
Americans are tired of playing for a tie and losing anyway. Achievement is counterproductive to a society of content comrades, as it pressures mediocre humans to feel resentment about their limits. Why else would we have a president who doesn't know how to do his job? Everyone must remain level, whether it be the salaries of the janitor and CEO or virtuously strong nations and demonic rogue states. Equality of results is in the process of overtaking equality of opportunity, if anyone has the energy left to care.
While the president is still mysterious after nearly a full term, we know enough. The public doesn't need any more evidence that the incumbent is a sniveling little radical who hopes that he is merely halfway through his attempt to recast America as a faded champion whose primary industry is resenting the industrious. Voters get a chance to reverse a mistake, but not a second one.
The strongest proof that suckers will never disappear lies in how anyone could experience this despondent atmosphere and want to double its length. Free market loathers deflect by clinging to absurd notions about Washington multiplying taken or borrowed funds in the same type of scheme they always accuse Wall Street of perpetrating. Their very long division makes us broke. Even worse, this White House's prone foreign policy makes us unsafe, as terrorists still hate a weaker country with a sucker president. We're poor and poorly protected, but at least Planned Parenthood is subsidized.
Or perhaps Obama's backers are just dedicated to bigotry. There's no other justification for backing a failed fool simply because his complexion differs from that of the first 43 men to fill the job.
Reversing racial progress is just another gift from the first black socialist president. With nothing to brag about such as accomplishments, a desperate corner preacher naturally resorts to complexion-baiting in a pathetic attempt to avoid the private sector. Making everyone equally busted is a utopian vision, of sort.
Interested parties who looked even marginally closely circa 2007 knew the now-incumbent was selling words that could not become actualities. Anyone promising to do so much is going to make things much worse, and the only hope is to not sign a second four-year warranty that's as worthless as a sheet of copy paper.
Most importantly, the rich aren't villains who owe us. It's beyond time for anyone who has a problem with keeping the results of success from being seized by Washington to sod off with their miserable desire for legalized theft. Resentment is a poor motivator, as you've noticed if you know what the economy is.
The only reason to vote against Obama if you are cynical enough to doubt that he can turn around our nation as soon as George Bush is no longer president. All the problems will stop when this benevolent young charisma factory can finally be in charge and start putting progressive ideas into action. Your bigotry against those who harm our country's ideals just slows his heavenly intentions.
Still, mean conservatives who stubbornly remain tethered to reality feel he'll have an excuse if years five through eight make us aspire for the days of slightly less poverty and peril. Romney knows who the bad guys are, and they're not business owners. Such basic awareness can be expected from someone who's accomplished more before competing for the presidency than writing autobiographies. By contrast, Obama's fiction career needs to be capped at one term. These stories are crushing us.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. He tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.