To be subtle, America must overcome idiotic voters. It's not to be condescending toward those who align differently, but those some particularly dazed president-pickers are begging to be mocked, namely those who have accepted a monotonous life as long as we have a cool executive. They know nothing about civics other than that they can register to choose positivity and other such crap as a bulwark against nasty Republicans who they heard like to smack commoners with their jewel-encrusted scepters. Rumors can't be wrong.
Those who sadly know what our country will be like in 2017 should avoid identifying all Obama supporters as members of the Velcro Shoe Brigade, although it is tempting. While each de facto progressive faction spends most of the time they could be productive whining about some baffling standard of fairness that maintains nobody should get a second dollar until everybody has one, only one side read in a book that it's a good idea.
Certainly, some re-electors employ an ideology that is just woefully misguided, meaning they actually listen to Obama's words and still voted for him. Those who feel rosy just from the Lightbringer's charismatic tone may be less actively complicit in the resulting damage he inflicts, but at least the excessively social democrats make sense for backing fat government in their twisted way.
No-information supporters are also different from parasites who cunningly vote themselves checks in spite of the damage inflicted upon the economy, although their rather passive attempt to enter the middle class makes them just as contemptible. The one thing they all share is how they think the best way to prove they don't discriminate based on skin color is to support a president because of his.
Where are the miracles? Obama's only supernatural power is the ability to pass his job review despite astounding incompetence, and yet the sort of people that even TLC rejected for reality shows still worship a very fallible man. Our new lord somehow can't lower the debt. The unfortunate people who keep Chris Brown wealthy entered the voting booth again while mentally gazing lovingly on the depressingly stupid street “art” featuring the sort of man who should be condemning graffiti. The surprise would be if unemployment decreased.
It's one thing to fall for a fad once as a youth prone to delusion. But it's quote another to still have a New Kids on the Block poster hanging without irony in one's bedroom at age 35. Obama's improbable triumph in the face of his actions prove that there are indeed people who cared what laughably repulsive remarks Eva Longoria uttered about politics.
The confusion among decent-minded people is understandable. Those who rightfully inquire about who cares what celebrities think about politics are the exact sort who aren't impressed by why famous buffoons wish they could be baptized in Obama's sweat. It's comfortingly yet unfortunately hard for wise voters to conceive of such lightweight decision-making.
And how about those evil Republicans who want everyone to pay the same reasonable tax rate so the economy can thrive? Even worse, fundamentalists want to ban contraception, I think I heard from someone who heard there were debates this year. Panicky voters thought their baby-preventing pills might be taken away, which doesn't bode well for their hopes of successfully remembering to swallow them instead of rubbing them on their naughty bits. At least believing hysteria isn't much worse than thinking access is denied when the government or your employer doesn't buy you something.
We'll always remember the election where some voters seriously claimed Mitt Romney was out to murder Big Bird, although we can still try to booze the thought away. Those who swear the Republican contender wanted to end Sesame Street were hopefully just lying, as the prospect that we're surrounded by dolts who think the second-place presidential finisher was determined to eliminate a popular puppet means we better ignore the lessons of the Red Dawn remake and just surrender to the North Koreans.
Of course, there are people among us who opine that we could improve the economy if only we'd be willing to take more money from the most successful, so glaring lapses in defiance of observation are more common than we'd hope. Remember: Mitt made a fortune by putting people out of work and was rewarded by not having to pay taxes. It's all a sort of fact.
Pundits who get their unbiased news by reading the Facebook status updates of liberal graduate student friends feel qualified to mock people who preposterously think life has meaning and by extension have concluded that a supreme being may have spun existence into being. Marco Rubio doesn't know under what circumstances the world started, perhaps because he wasn't present. Even worse, financial fundamentalist Rubio thinks the deficit started at zero and has grown to over 16 trillion dollars.
Unwitting statist fetishists shriek that any reduction in the increase of spending demonstrates supreme heartlessness. If it's not the government's job to help, then how come there are no private charities, huh?
Such nastily oblivious voters will always be around, and there are presently enough magic touchscreens and grotesque children's beauty pageant television programs to keep them placated without thinking about what's outside. It's hard to not be distracted, what with Tweeter machines and pocket music-playing contraptions.
The burden to prove sensibility is more fulfilling than faux awesomeness falls on anyone who knows what state Paul Ryan represents or how many senators each state gets. Anyone aware of the incumbent's shenanigans must tell the people that millionaires already pay quite a bit in taxes and likely didn't magically get rich by putting coal-dusted working stiffs on the dole.
The targets are easy to spot: they're the ones still carping about how Sarah Palin is a moron for something Tina Fey said. It's worth noting that the same people voted for Joe Biden twice. While it's telling that people who don't pay attention flocked to Obama again, what's troubling is the quantity of them.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. He tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.