You have more than zero dollars by Saturday morning because of your rampant greed. Savings are a greater enemy than even Republicans who want to cut indescribably escalating spending, and not just because frugality makes the government look bad. A growing cash pile is a foreign concept for a nation that's about seven trillion into 15 figures of debt, embodied by the disturbingly growing resentment against people who realize every bill doesn't have to be spent.
Much like how former junior varsity bench-warmers know exactly what NFL quarterbacks should have done, telling businesses how to address their finances has become a popular hobby among people who can't run their own. The lack of impulse control is lamentably thorough no matter whether critics in charge of the checking balance or not.
Those baffled by any liquid asset that's not in a Boone's Farm bottle always think profiting is easy as long as you've sold your soul, as it couldn't be work and ingenuity that allows some people to have growing savings accounts. Members of the envious ranks include a president who knows so much about margins, hiring, health insurance, supply, demand, and credit that he doesn't need to actually do anything to prove them. But the very mentality and work ethic that allows one to avoid relying on a weekly paycheck leads to the comfort of a financial cushion. Everyone inside the Beltway and out should take note.
There's nothing more selfish than having an opinion about someone else's money. Specifically, enemies of accumulators feel the latter can and should give away anything they have. One percent meanies have all kinds of money they're not spending, so they should just hand it over and be grateful for the opportunity. Or perhaps the expectation of direct cash payments to less flush comrades or an insolvent government is the utter embodiment of gratitude, especially since no rotten wealthy people who provide jobs and products have ever donated enough to ensure a performing arts venue gets named.
Anyone who would be dead broke once they pay off credit card debt should get in the habit of monitoring what they buy. Amateur Keynesians never recognize that the price of anything is what someone will pay for it. You could put ketchup on white bread and sell it for pizza at five dollars per slice, and that's its price if some sucker buys it. The willingness to match a seller's demands determines what anything is worth regardless of how much normal people raise their eyes at some of the crap others buy, unless adults really need those Razor Scooters.
The nice thing about money is not having to use it, as it's even better insulation than that pink fiberglass. Naturally, the proper and healthy response is active contempt for people who are sitting on funds they crazily aren't planning to spend that moment. They defy the national example: America is a debtor nation that makes those who spend every dollar they have look like amateurs. Money left over used to be a goal; now, it's a tragedy. Those who don't see why rich people scrimp fail to figure out why they themselves are bedraggled.
There's not much money in delivering lectures on the topic of relieving oneself of the burden of extra capital. Obama claims to speak for the proletariat when he targets “people who can afford it” as if being without an extra buck isn't just a waste but an obligation. Being able to buy groceries for two weeks ahead is a personal issue: it's their damn money, and they shouldn't be compelled to fund the president's chain letters.
Having a fortune is not usually a matter of fortune. Believers in an arbitrarily worthless existence credit each private vault full of nickels in existence to public roads and inheritances. Meanwhile, those who just voted again for the guy who got rich by not writing two autobiographies think the most opulent among us just lucked out. They should research rich guys other than the incumbent, although that's more work than deciding they owe us for prospering in the same disinterested system where others didn't.
Humans who remain quaint enough to view thrift as a value should be viewed as good examples of how to get rich and stay that way. Instead, they are targeted with resentment more suitable for Europe's dingiest welfare states. Most of our ancestors were smart enough to ditch nations with castle-smashing societies, and yet far too many long for the security of stratification. Meanwhile, fans of not being bothered have nowhere else to colonize until Mars gets oxygen, steakhouses, and distilleries.
For now, we'll have to live alongside Mercedes flipper-offers who wonder why they live in destitution. It's too bad our government didn't stop buying junk when it ran out of money. For Washington, being flat broke would be an inconceivable improvement.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. He tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.