Whatever. Limited government should appeal to slackers who want Washington off their backs, even if it's only so they can slouch in peace. The best thing conservatives can sell to disenfranchised voters exhausted from endless petty indignities of federal micromanagement is nothing, as the idea is to be left to your own devices without ever even knowing the rules are there. Young people appreciate apathy, and it's past time for a government that can't be bothered to bother you.
Indifference has been the most cherished virtue of young people for quite a few years; I'd check exactly how many, but meh. Sponsoring candidates who won't needle anyone is the best way to get young people on board with limited federal powers.
The ideal politician doesn't care about what most are doing, which should be cool to people who feel nothing inside. Being left alone is the most wonderful thing imaginable in this irksome world, a virtue that uncommon partners such as uptight conservatives and pretentious hipsters can agree.
A limited government allows contrarian young people to reap the benefits of their affectedly esoteric interests. One can live in a preposterously trendy city and still scoff at the notion that the government can spend us into prosperity.
The envy for rich people is best manifested into the desire to become one of the loathed. It's an honor viewed as selfish by those who feel entitled to share with everyone else, as if there's something wrong with retaining earnings.
In the present oppressive climate, petty rulers jerk around people for the crime of living their lives. Urban farmers may seem actively weird, but they nonetheless might share their tomatoes with neighbors. They just want to be left alone, like pot fiends and raw milk drinkers who just want to do their own things without ending up riding a police cruiser for the trouble. Well, right-wing radicals despise The Man, too, and our rattlesnake flags can be appreciated as a throwback.
Silly communal ideals are lost in glorious practice of wealth accumulation. After all, the purest example of mutually free commerce was found in the patchouli-saturated parking lots of Grateful Dead shows. Hippies demonstrated an admirable ability to get full value out of their ink-splattered t-shirts and earthy ponchos.
We can respect anyone who offers a tough but fair deal even if they're not dealing in a field in which we're interested. Yoga mat peddlers and sludgy bark tea purveyors can embrace all the Eastern mysticism they want while still seeking Western profits. That's some sort of yin yang thing.
There's no shame in wanting to keep your things. The problem is having to generate something to retain, but it beats the interactions that accompany handouts. Dealing with entitlement guardians might even lead to physical contact, which is obviously unacceptable for iconoclastic oddballs.
Gold-and canned food-hoarding Tea Party rednecks have more than you'd think in common with pretentiously urbane trendsetters, at least broadly. Namely, both want to be left to their own respective devices. As with irksome free speech restrictions, one doesn't have to agree with someone else to be repulsed about a violation of that person's tenets.
Those interested in personal rights should be sympathetic to people treated as criminals for nothing more than keeping a 10-round magazine in the basement. And heavens forbid if it's a house that had an addition built without a government inspector's permission. Nobody's safe when everything's a crime.
Skinny jeans-fillers can discover that their next favorite underground artist is Hayek once they're done coping with the odious restrictions imposed by a president once hilariously deemed cool. City dwellers get harried enough during the course of everyday interaction with a cruelly unforgiving environment; they should want a break from sighing and gesturing.
The longing for independence from micromanagement is a sign of adulthood even if it's often manifested in a childish way. Loners and misanthropes should naturally be fans of a potential hands-off administration, as they can grow cannabis and ride fixed-gear bikes in peace.
Grumpy misfits are certainly free to engage with the PlayStation and Facebook during secluded free time. Wasting hours is most fun when it's a byproduct of enjoying the truest liberty, namely making all that you want and keeping most of it.
Shrewd conservative recruiters must convince young people to summon enough energy to bat away batty notions about conservatives wanting to gobble up rights. Republicans aren't going to flush your birth control pills or punch Big Bird, so at least irrationally monger fear about something worthwhile.
Sure, some right-wingers may disagree with city-dwelling outsiders about, say, what constitutes a marriage. But it's better to make a case for civil unions while having a job. At present, work is something obscure you've probably never heard of.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2012 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/270599.