In protest of this global tragedy, until this issue is resolved, until everybody has access to clean water and sanitation, I will not go to the bathroom
Don't do it, Matty-Matt-Matt, you'll die!
No. Ha-ha! j/k! It's a fake threat at a fake press conference with fake reporters (well, he is a fake actor and a fake activist). See, he's taking a serious subject and making it funny by pretending to be serious about not going pee-pee or poo-poo. *snicker* He's playing off of his super-star power and good looks by pretending that he won't tinkle or "make". *tee-hee* Cuz, I mean, how ridiculous is it that a person like him would spend his days prairie doggin' and doing the pee-pee dance? (LULZ!)
I realize I'm not in Maaatt Daaaaamon's target demo for his "activism", but it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to realize that he seems to only just barely know what he's doing when it comes to his "good" deeds. Not only was his big socially-conscious movie a box office failure, but both its main backer and the massive lies and fraud perpetrated by the real world anti-fracking movement completely undermined his credibility. Even if his fake press conference was funny, anyone who cares where their charitable dollars go and does any research wouldn't trust them to him.
Which is too bad because, contrary to what he seems to think, pretty much everyone understands that water sanitation is a serious problem in less-prosperous parts of the world and is a problem well worth tackling.