Professional progressive aneurysm-causer Michele Bachmann can’t stop infuriating her opponents, which is only one reason to like her. But her gaffes have been truly appalling. She looked into a different camera, totally not really expressed inadvertent admiration for John Wayne Gacy, and thinks the Founding Fathers opposed slavery just because they did. And then she said “internets” at the Twitter town hall! Wait: was that her?
But she truly crossed the line when her husband helped poor people. His habit of heartlessly accepting Medicaid patients at his mental health clinic reflects an uncommonly selfish desire to aid those who have been granted government-issued insurance. The compassionate thing to do would be to turn them away, preferably waiting until winter so they may be cast into snow banks for the benefit of hungry Republican wolves.
Or maybe they’re simply coping with circumstances. Of course, one of the core consequences of Obamanomics is that more people are on more doles. She voted against all the crap that led to the immense poverty that defines the second annual Recovery Summer. But why not attack her for the Bachmann family’s efforts to help the needy after the government already tried?
Still, Bachmann’s foes aren’t worried about Barack Obama’s widespread non-successes. Instead, they’ve shockingly gone negative by attempting to portray her as a dumb phony when they’re not struggling to do the same with a former Alaska governor they also hate with their very being. As for their present favorite feminine target, they think that Bachmann a neo-Pharisee for dealing with reality. That is, they would if they appreciated Biblical references.
Undoubtedly, she would prefer that her husband accepted people who could afford to pay out of pocket or obtain private insurance. But those are impractical goals during an Obama presidency. Blaming her family for coping with the aftermath of the staggeringly growing quantity of Medicaid recipients is akin to taking a date to see Larry Crowne, then wondering why she’s sad and uninterested in you afterward.
The charge that she’s violating her principles by being married to a man who treats those who require assistance holds up as well as an insufferably disgusting, slimy, lying, unemployed creep claiming that she’s “crazy.”
The world’s Anthony Weiners rationally think that her placid eyes are symptomatic of lunacy. On a related note, they start with the assumption that anything she says reflects why she’s dumb and full of it. Remember: they’re pro-women.
My favorite Minnesota congressperson ever can be judged by the nastiness of her foes. Those irritated by another successful conservative woman with a family let their contempt render them as snarky as they are oblivious. Sadly, Bachmann Derangement Syndrome resembles the Palin strain in that it cannot be cured in our lifetime, even if you’re lucky enough to have Bachmann’s spouse treat you.
Similarly, opponents of the surging presidential candidate also expect conservatives to turn down Social Security checks, which disregards the not precisely voluntary nature of the pyramid scheme. Um, Americans are forced to toss money into the pot as a condition of employment.
Everyone qualified is naturally collecting said benefits, but those who think there’s a better way are apparently supposed to turn them down on principle even though they surrendered some of their retirement funds to fund them. Make participation voluntary, and we’ll talk.
Bachmann’s non-controversy is also reminiscent of the time well-adjusted left-wing bloggers got some giggles when they learned that Ayn Rand took Social Security benefits. Cheers to them for uncovering this fact only a few decades after the fact. Regardless, they deliberately or obliviously disregarded that she also paid into the system as a result of selling warehouses full of books despite her strident tone and ridiculously artificial characters.
Additionally, states with Republican governors were supposed to turn down stimulus money on principle. Instead, they accepted that the government was handing out allegedly free pizza, that the state’s residents chipped in to pay the delivery guy, and that they would have been at a disadvantage compared to other states if they declined. Hate the stimulus game, not the playa, yo.
They’re upset that we’re not cheating at Monopoly, although they still can’t figure out how conservatives are so proficient at managing income and property. We play by their twisted rules. They then bitch when we comply before calling us hypocrites. Those who are smug may as well be oblivious, too. Why not claim she wants to ban porn, or savage her for thinking people who date within their respective genders have a say in the matter?
Further, consider how they link her husband’s business practices to her. To quote a random feminist, “THEY’RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE.” The capital letters are theirs.
But they’ll still try to paint Bachmann as a sanctimonious extremist when they’re not dissecting her words for secret references as if they were Bob Dylan lyrics. It’s uncertain which they like better: pretending that they found evidence that she’s a dolt or that she’s betraying her beliefs. Expect them to remain typically classy as they do so, especially those of them who haven’t been funny in nearly two decades.
Maybe they’ll stop trashing her husband for his work to help the underprivileged once they find dirt about one of her 23 foster kids. Next, they’ll present evidence that she’s collecting a government paycheck even though she wants to limit its size. Oops: I scooped them.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. He tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.
