It’s odd how the same people who self-righteously drag our children’s future into every argument want to burden same whippersnappers with unimaginable debt. Regardless, it’s of utmost importance to leave our nation’s brats an environment that hasn’t been disturbed by a single drill. We owe them an Earth where no dwelling is heated by burning or vehicle is mobile without pedaling.
Our head of state has taken issue with both jobs and energy. Barack Obama’s valiant efforts to not let TransCanada build a pipeline that would direct what he’s concluded is noxiously useless oil into our nation will help us fight the scourge of people being able to affordably drive to jobs they actually have.
Take that, hosers! By slapping the toques off the heads of our Canadian friends, Obama is again really sticking it to an enemy.
Cutting off the pipe at Saskatchewan is reminiscent of how he’s screwed other countries he’s deemed foes like Britain, Australia, Israel, India, Colombia, Honduras, South Korea, Panama, Poland, the Czech Republic, and nearly everywhere else in Eastern Europe. But Venezuela will be in luck if they ever wish to build a pipe directed into our nation, as we’re looking to make new pals with fellas who may be a little rough around the edges.
A president whose nomination was supposed to save the Earth has has come up small on an XL pipeline. He’s unaware that XL may as well be short for how it would excel our comatose economy. Rejecting the permit for the route brings us closer to the dream of an America that’s too unproductive to generate greenhouse gases.
Or maybe, as with ignoring debt’s horrifying consequences, the president assumes gas stations will never go dry. As with borrowing money, it will be there automatically, so quit bumming us out with your non-dreamer ways.
Still, realists have concluded that we need oil and not hippie power. Aside from what the producers of Jersey Shore would tell you, there’s no money in worthless junk.
Mean energy corporate juggernauts would invest in sunbeams or the breeze if they thought there was any potential in using weather conditions to make America go. Looking for petroleum substitutes is useless if said substitutes run as well as the economy under the incumbent.
But the failure to recognize that alternate energies are alternates for a reason won’t stop the same liberals who think that the government can manufacture demand. How much harder can it be to build functional sun panels than it is to spur a recovery? In practice, governmental influence in the oddball fuels realm is the equivalent spending a trillion bucks to increase unemployment.
Instead, shrewd conglomerates pursue fuels that work, largely through the stimulating and reliable process of combustion. Take shale gas, which we’re finding all over the place; you may even want to dig up your lawn to see if there’s any there, although I will not re-sod your lawn if there’s none. You don’t need to know anything about how to find energy in shale, other than that we need to burn stuff if we like a standard of living that doesn’t involve wallowing in mud.
The most remarkable fuel-finding technique should be admired for the woeful quality of its opponents’ case. Fracking’s opponents curiously never seem to turn off their power. They’re too busy bitching about an utterly amazing technique for retrieving energy from this otherwise useless lump of a planet.
Enemies of natural gas naturally indulge in hysterical fear about a relatively clean-burning fuel that they should adore if they really hate emissions. Instead, they prefer pretending that the chemicals used to score a huge supply of a most useful gaseous tinder are unhealthier than intermittent power. Envious greens disregard that the fluid used the most to frack is that most toxic of substances, namely water.
And bless their smug hearts if they really hold that retrieving natural gas caused the ground to rumble. They probably still risibly think that the process makes your tap water ignite when they’re not claiming that conservatives hate science.
The foes of functional light switches have a totally dispassionate and never incompetently biased federal agency on their side. Citing an EPA-released study that wasn’t peer reviewed is to be expected from those who ardently hold that there’s no way the government could make a mistake or have an agenda under this administration.
Yet they are unable to disprove that energy production creates work for those who make society work. North Dakota defies Obamanomics, and it’s heartwarming to realize that the president’s corrosive financial influence can’t stop every attempt to profit by producing something useful.
The higher Dakota is teeming with useful jobs that literally fuel our lives, and he blessedly hasn’t figured out how to muck it up yet. For now, the good and noble state is seemingly hidden from Obama’s view like a haven in some Objectivist novel.
As always, the energy utopians keep mindlessly striving for a life without tradeoffs, although they could come up with some better direful consequences than imaginary earthquakes and phantom toxic chemicals. As always, this is a good time for the insufferably green to shriek and panic, all while enjoying civilization’s innumerable comforts.
Other people will do the dirty work, and they’ll plug in their iDevices to complain about oil spills that haven’t happened once they’ve set the thermostat so it’s a little more comfy. The Earth can apparently take a little abuse from the people who truly care about it.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. He tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.